Chicken Salad Recipe or The Unhealthiest Salad Ever

Okay Sarah Anne, you were so close to a decent thing with your Past E Fagiolio Soup - A balanced meal with a large representation from the vegetable segment of the food pyramid with the correct pairing of beef stock with the meat aspect (though I would question the use of ground beef in a soup as opposed to beef chunks). However, true to your nature as a one-third representative of the Meal Planning Mommies your true colors come shining through- glistening with the oily sheen of mayonnaise emanating from every pore contained within your misguided body.

Worse still is the fact that not only are these women unable to come up with a decent meal on their own, but they also speak the praises of the unhealthiest recipes that pass through the trans fat encrusted lips of their gaping maws. This day's culprit: Chicken Salad Recipe.

So much is wrong with this recipe that I don't know where to begin. The health aspect? The convenient omissions? The glaring inadequacy of the ingredients used? You know what, let's tackle this maelstrom of meal planning malevolence in that specific order.

I'm sure that at some point between the Triassic and Cretaceous period the great herbivoric dinosaurs of the time looked at each other during their time of feeding and agreed that the obvious missing element in their proto-salad diet was a healthy dollop of mayonnaise. Not just a measured portion of mayonnaise mind you, rather enough of the stable emulsion of eggs and oil to ensure that the inevitably ingested insect can freely slide from esophagus to anus without the threat of slowdown from contact friction.

One cup of mayo for a sandwich? I mean come on, I know you're into saving as much time a possible with your "busy" schedule- but is it really necessary to give your family their yearly allocation of the unhealthiest of condiments in a single serving?

Secondly, although I'm not really a fan of chicken salad (at all) I know the classic recipe calls for a balance of ingredients to create a thin veil of saladness. So what does the moron in question decide to do? Cut out the only vegetable-like thing in the damn recipe. Great call there Sarah Anne- surely you could make up for that decision by adding a touch of green food coloring to your next batch and declare it instantly healthy.

Lastly there's a systemic problem with this and other recipes that needs to be addressed: where the hell do these women get such low quality ingredients? Canned chicken and grapes which are so large their flavor is diluted to the point of bite-sized green ice cubes? Seriously, take the time to do your sale shopping and get quality ingredients- even the worst of your inevitably atrocious recipes will have some semblance of... actually I take that back. Given kobe beef and caviar I'm sure you'd slather on the italian dressing, bacon, and cream of mushroom soup and declare it some sort of family-style stew. Just... put down the can opener, turn off the stove, and donate your kitchen to someone who knows what to do with it.

Time to enjoy the tasty meal located deep within my happy body. Final rating on the MPM fail scale: 8.6