Sarah's Cheesy Ham and Potatoes or Clusterfuck in a Bowl

Okay, so we're already a day behind keeping up with the emerging disasters at Meal Planning Mommies, and although a small novelette can be written about the wretch-inducing Krista's Chicken Pot Pie. today we will be focusing on the most recent atrocity Sarah's Cheesy Ham and Potatoes.

First let's look at the mindset behind this dish. Notice the title and check out the order of precedence: Cheese, ham, then potatoes. So the dish is really just a ham and cheese sandwich but substituting potatoes for the bread. No doubt it was conceived somewhere along the lines of "You know what I like? Cheese! Hmm, what else do we have? Oh, HAM! But wait, I can't serve that to my family and call it a full meal... I'll just fill it out with some crap-ass processed potato like product. But then it's just plain not healthy. Oh, I'll toss an onion in there and some cream of something and declare myself a chef. See? I opened a can therefore I cooked."

Now, going by the directions it's clear that the idiot doesn't just like cheese- they fucking LOVE CHEESE! I mean really, cheese makes up almost 80% of this recipe by weight. Cream cheese. Monterey Jack cheese. Still more cheddar cheese on top?! I mean, for the love of God why not just skip everything, appeal to your true desires, and inject freshly melted velveta cheese directly into your heart's right ventricle. For reals, if someone served this to me I would immediately assume they were trying to kill me and respond in kind with an offer of fried lard on a stick.

Here's a hint people: If you're cooking anything that requires cream-of-anything you are doing something wrong.  The condensing of any food's flavors should be done in pan/pot by the controlled release of the target's moisture levels. This condensed shit that the Campbell's Cookbook tries to sell you is nothing more than the cheap vegetable they couldn't put in their soups cooked in waste cream and sold to you for 15 cents for pure profit. Case in point: You know what isn't appetizing? This:

Then the idiot really burns my ass. I quote "This would probably be great for a brunch meal as well!" Let me be frank: Horseshit! We live in the birthplace of brunch, we host a brunch with our friends every year, and if anyone served this crap they would be drawn, quartered, pan blackened, and sold to Yankees as a "cajun delicacy". Brunch is not just a meal between breakfast and lunch- There are rules that govern what foods should and should not be served and this definitely breaks any and all rules related to brunch and human decency.

So all in all the meal is a complete and utter failure, but then we are treated with the moron's inability to properly wield themselves in a kitchen. After making 4 batches of this stuff they are left with a kitchen in shambles:

Cut up an onion and put it aside. You mix shit in a bowl 4 times and bag it. If you can't follow those directions without the need of a broom then I would highly suggest you rethink your ability to pack for vacation, drive, or breathe without soiling yourself. As an example this past weekend my wife and I prepared four separate dishes simultaneously (Jambalaya, spaghetti sauce, bread, and potato soup) in a kitchen only about 6 feet of counter space with no more than 5 minutes cleanup which did not require a broom. Such people who complain about their plight are nothing more than laughably inept and should not be entrusted with anything more than an easy bake oven and a paring knife.

This meal on the MPM fail scale: 8.2

The resultant mess from this meal on the MPM fail scale: 9.3